Saturday, June 14, 2008

 Kali left for the Bridge this afternoon. She was her normal bratty self giving the staff at the vets a hard time. Their plan was to put in an IV in the back room bring her back to the exam room and give her a drug to make her fall asleep and then the final drug. I was to leave after the first drug but before the last. Well, I heard her screaming full force in the back room. They came back and asked me if they could sedate her first then bring her back in. At first I said yes, then I asked if they could sedate her with me and then do everything else while I was gone. They didn't like the idea, but I was here for Kali not them. So she complained while they poked her and I tried to sooth her as I said good-bye. I had told the vet that as soon as she couldn't tell I was there to let me know, so that I could leave quickly. So I'm there talking to her for a long time and I finally ask, isn't she sedated yet. And they say told me that she was. So they thought I was saying all of that because I needed to and didn't realize that I was wanting out of  there. I had been focusing on my sweetie and didn't realize that the vet wasn't there. There were two vet techs and they hadn't heard my request to be told as soon as she lost consciousness. Ugh! It didn't go as smoothly as it could, but honestly that was Kali's style. She was a Tortie to the bone.

 I miss her terribly already. The vet had a huge cage filled with four snowshoe tabby kittens with signs requesting that the kits be held so they could be socialized. They were of course up for adoption. I almost considered putting one in the carrier on my way out. "Kitties, surprise, Kali's gone, but we have a new sister for you to meet!" I'm afraid Cookie might have smoothered me in my sleep.

I owe you all my sanity. Whenever I thought I couldn't bear it, I thought of all of you who wrote saying that you had gone through a loss and that gave me strength. I thought of the candles being lit, the moment of silence during Gree and Othello's gathering and people saying they would think of my girl it all gave me such strength. I felt the love, thank you,

Kali Wants to Go Home

I will be calling the vet and trying to make an appointment to assist my lovely lady to the Bridge today. She's developed a tick. Her head jerks back and forth. She's wobbly on her feet. She's always been a very dignified cat. I owe her to allow her to go before she loses any more of her cat sensibilities. 

I forced some Super Charger into her mouth yesterday. And then she actually drank some salmon juice and ate a tiny bit of the fish. I was praising her like crazy and she was trying to please me. Still it's not enough to change my decision.

I'll come back and let you all know if I get the appointment with the vet. 

Thank you everyone for all of your support.
Love, Lynn

4:00 pm PST is the time she will be meeting with the vet. I keep reminding myself that she deserves this. I need to remember it's suppose to be about what's best for HER not me. For me, I could keep her around until the last possible moment...

She purrs as soon as she sees me and allows me to pet her entire body, something I never was allowed to do before. I was limited to petting just her head before. She continues to answer all my comments with a meow, just has she's always done before. That's my girl, always needing to get the last word in. 

Kali does have a sister at the Bridge that will help her cross. I lost Katie about 10 years ago to kidney failure. She was only 4 years old at the time. She gave me no warning. Kali used to bully her something awful because Kali couldn't stand to share me with the little one. That was a long time ago. Katie never did hold a grudge. I bet she'll show her the ropes. And Lilly's mother Peggy has written that Lilly. who just recently crossed, will also be there for my girl. (Oh gosh, and now Castle writes that Stormie will be there too!) This means a lot simply because I cannot go with her to make sure she's safe and happy and not hissing at others. I guess this is where faith is suppose to take over. I need to surrender my baby in so many different ways. I'm not good at surrendering. I'm good at holding onto things...tightly.

Ok, well I'm going to go enjoy some last moments. Again, thank you. Please pray for me to be strong. If you're not into prayer maybe you could imagine thoughts of me being a strong resilient cat owner, who can handle this, no problem. Thank you.